So I know it's been a while, and I feel bad about that. I had this whole list of things I want to talk about, but for some reason, I'm having a hard time forcing myself to actually sit down and write. I think that might be because I honestly feel like I don't have anything interesting to say. My way to get over this is to just suck it up and write anyway, and hopefully I'll feel better about everything.
So, here it goes. To force myself to start writing, I'll be posting a series of reviews/reactions for some books that I've read lately. For each one, I'll post a brief synopsis (dust-jacket style, with no spoilers), my overall rating (out of 10), and some reaction points.
To start, I'd like to talk about After, a wonderful young adult novel by Amy Efaw.
Synopsis: Devon, a good student, soccer star, and all-around “good girl', makes a tragic mistake. This mistake is so awful – so shameful – that she hides it from everyone – even herself. Her mistake? Devon got pregnant, hid the pregnancy, and after the birth, hid the evidence. Now, she's facing a life sentence for a crime she can't even remember committing.
Rating: 7
Reaction Points: There were quite a few things that I really liked about this novel, beginning with the structure. The novel is told from Devon's point of view, through a third person narrator. However, the narration is somewhat fragmented to reflect the fragmentation that Devon is feeling. Because of her denial/psychosis/whatever, Devon doesn't remember exactly what happened – nor is she forthcoming about revealing what she does remember. The narration mimics this, keeping the reader in suspense and constantly guessing about what really happened to Devon.
The thing I found most interesting about the novel was Devon's level of denial. I suppose it's possible that she knew exactly what she was doing – which, I suppose, is exactly what people thought – but I don't think so. I think Devon was so deeply in denial about what was happening to her that she couldn't even admit the truth to herself. I think there's a big difference between Devon not knowing she was pregnant – which is what she claimed – and being in denial about the whole thing. There's no doubt that Devon had to have known she was pregnant, but just couldn't admit it to herself. If she did, then it would have been real, and something she would have had to deal with.
Devon was definitely the protagonist of the novel, but she also wasn't the “good guy” in any way. What she did – throwing her newborn baby away – was horrific, and she shouldn't be held blameless for her actions. I did like that Efaw made it pretty clear that Devon didn't really have extenuating circumstances to “explain” her actions. Devon had sex on purpose – that is, she consented to having sex without any kind of emotional or physical pressure, nor was she under the influence of any substances – knowing that pregnancy was a possibility. Once she missed her period – several periods, even – and had what everyone can name as “classic pregnancy symptoms”, she had so many options. Giving birth at home, putting her baby in the dumpster, and pretending like nothing was wrong was NOT the appropriate way to handle any of that.
Efaw doesn't pull any punches – Devon was NOT right, no matter how emotionally fragile she may have been. Throughout the novel, the reader (or me, at least) doesn't necessarily want Devon to wind up going to prison for the rest of her life – after all, she has such a bright future ahead of her and the baby was okay. But you also don't want her to “get away with it” either. Which is why I love that Devon does ultimately take responsibility for her actions. Even though her lawyer may be able to get her off with legal loopholes, Devon turns that down and decides to change her plea to “guilty”. Devon accepting responsibility is so crucial to the success of the novel – you don't want to see her actions glorified, so you can't root for her to get away with it, and Devon's admission of guilt makes the novel “worth it” in a way.
Identity was so important to Devon throughout the novel, so it's hard to ignore here. Devon was so worried about how people would view her – she didn't want to give Dom, her lawyer, a list of character references, because she didn't want anyone to know about what she did. Little did Devon understand – her crime was all over the news, and everyone already knew. Once she was processed into the detention facility, Devon constantly compared herself to the other girls. It's almost like she viewed them as “criminals” and herself as a victim of circumstances. Devon didn't see herself as a “bad girl”, and really struggled with everyone giving her that label because of this one mistake she made.
Devon's identity in regards to her mother was also a critical point. She spent so much time not wanting to be her mom – working hard in school and at soccer, not getting into trouble – and I think this is where her denial really stems from. Devon's mom was a teenage mother, something that clearly affected Devon's upbringing and her relationship with her mom. That's why, I think, after Devon had sex that first time, her coping mechanism was to make herself forget. So Devon, not wanting to repeat her mom's mistakes, acted as though she never had sex. And if she never had sex to begin with, how could she possibly be pregnant? So Devon fell into this spiral of denial, all stemming from the fact that she wanted to be better than her mom.
But was she, really? Of course not. Devon's mom, for all the mistakes she made and all the damage her actions have done to her relationship with Devon, was still a mom. She could have given Devon up, but she didn't. No matter now crappy of a mom she may have been, at least she didn't throw her baby in the trash. Once Devon has this realization, she makes huge strides towards accepting responsibility for everything that's happened. For Devon, it's still about not becoming her mom, but in a different way. Instead of running away from her problems, Devon admits to making a mistake and is willing to take the appropriate punishment.
Overall, I think After has a great message for young people. It's not an easy read, by any means, but it's a powerful story that teaches that even good people make mistakes, and it's not about the mistakes you make, but how you accept accountability for your actions that counts.
